On Life, Death, and Fear
I don’t fear death. To me death is a lot like birth. It is just a moving forward to another level of existence. I do believe that the choices I make in this life will determine what that next existence will be like. That could be a fearful thing, but for me it isn’t because I am at peace in my heart that I have lived, and am curently living, the best life that I can right now given my knowledge, circumstances, and abilities. I know that because of the atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, and through His mercy, and my willingness to continue to turn to him for help and guidance, that will be good enough to obtain the most glorious existence there is to gain in the next life.
I also don’t fear living. I don’t fear pain, persecution, controversy, knowing myself, letting others know me. I have lived with mild chronic pain for years. I have had moments of intense pain. I don’t enjoy the pain. There are sources of comfort to help eleviate some of the pain. I am grateful for the days that the pain is more mild or even non-existent. I am grateful that the days of mild to non-existent pain are a lot more frequent than the the days of more intense pain in the last while.
As for persecution, what is the worst that someone can do to me? Cause me pain, kill me, kill my family. My lack of fear in those areas is covered above. No one can take away from me what I value the most above all else. Only I can choose to let it go, and I can’t imagine anything at this time that would cause me to make that choice.
Controversy, what is to fear - that someone might influence me, that I might learn more about myself, giving me an opportunity for growth.
I do have fears. I fear that because my bumbling inadequacies as a human I might cause unnescessary pain to another human where they are vulnerable. I fear that because of my inablility to reach out to everyone that I care about and show them how much I love and care about them, that they will not know how much I really do care and love them and they will suffer because of it. I fear that because sometimes my face and body shows more of the pain than of the peace and joy I feel in my heart, that others to whom I could be a source of hope and comfort will not know I am willing to share with them. And then I fear that even if they did see through the surface, that my inability to put into words and communicate in the way that I would like to, might also hinder the process.
I am grateful for the moments when heart speaks to heart and spirit to spirit and the communication and love flow through inspite of all the human inadequacies.
And yet even though I fear these things and strive everyday to overcome my human weeknesses, I also know that each one that I might hinder in someway also can turn to (if they choose) the same source I receive peace and joy. That is the gift of the atoning power given by our Savior, Jesus Christ. The Gift that is available to anyone in this world who is willing to open their hearts to Him, ask for guidance from Him, and be willing to follow that guidance to the best of their ability.