As I taught the adult gospel doctrine class today, we studied Matthew Chapter 3. John the Baptist was sent into the world to prepare the way for Christ. The main message that John focused on to prepare the way for Christ was the message of repentance. A question that I asked was “What does it mean to Repent?”
This was a class of adults that have many years of experience in the gospel and I told them I did not want the typical sunday school answer, but rather by their own experience what it means to them.
This is my own response to that question:
As a child I learned that the steps of repentance were; recognising our sin or mistake, feeling sorrow, confessing and or saying we are sorry, never repeating the sin or mistake, making amends or restoring what was possible to restore, obeying the commandments and serving the Lord.
My misunderstanding of what that all really meant caused me for many years to miss out on one of the most powerful aspects of the gospel.
I was so fearful of people, that the fear of confessing with the resulting consequences of punishment, fear of embarrasment, and fear of feeling inadequate was too overwhelming. I determined that I would never be put in the position of having to repent because I would never do anything wrong.
I went out of my way not to hurt or offend other people so that I would not have to say I was sorry. I learned to forgive quickly because I had compassion for others being put in the position of having to say they were sorry. I made every effort to not retaliate because then I would have to say I was sorry too.
As inevitably comes in life, mistakes are made and hurt happens. I would quickly change what I was capable of changing. But for those things that I was not capable of changing on my own, I would justify, deny my own weekness even to myself, blame the circumstances or other peoples weekness.
The Bible dictionary defines Repentance as: a turning of the heart and will to God. Even though at the time I believed I was doing that, in essence I was really running the other way in denial.
In contrast, this is the way I live my life now.
As a signal to me of the need for repentance or change in my life, I pay close attention to these circumstances.
Emotional pain, conflict within myself between what I do and what my values or intellect tell me I should be doing, conflict with others, fear, particular annoyance with someone elses weekness, frustration, anger.
Then I turn to the Lord and ask for help. What do I need to learn? Where are these feeling coming from? What do I need to change? How do I change? Give me understanding? etc.
I have felt my Savior symbolically wipe away my tears, put His arms around me and lead me through the process of understanding and change. He gives me experiences that help me understand what my actions feel like from the other persons point of view. That can lead to a quick change of heart and never wanting to repeat those actions. He gives me opportunity to develop needed skills. He places people in my life that can give me help or that say the right thing at the right time to help me know what I can do. He leads me in how I can make amends and say I am sorry and provides the opportunity when the timing is right.
After a time I realize that my life really has changed. Things that used to perplex me now come easily. Things that used to bother me now I look at with compassion and understanding. I feel more peace and joy in my everyday life. When the situations described above enter my life, I no longer face them with fear. I look at them as opportunities for growth. Where they used to be daily occurances or even several times a day now they come a lot less often. I spend more time in the peace and joy of life rather than in the conflict. For those things that I have not yet been able to overcome, I know it is just a process of time and trust in the Lord. As long as I keep that constant contact with my Savior then in time I will be redeemed even from those demons.
