Random Wanderings

This post is prompted by these words from Jaspenelles post:

http://www.michaelandjaspenelle.com/archive/2007/04/26/workplace-musings-the-million-dollar-question

Personal I do not think even the “gods” know it all. Even Yahweh did not foresee Eve’s curiosity regarding the apple, nor the snake goading her on. He did not see Adam partake in it. Yahweh only realized what they had done upon seeing them clothed, he realized it through the power of reason; which is a phenomenal thing, but not all-powerful. I use to have my own theory about the snake in the garden. What if God was the snake and He wanted Adam and Eve to be more like him (after all they were supposable made in his image, so wouldn’t he want them to reason things out?) Then kicked them out of the garden to learn? Maybe the bible has it wrong and Adam and Eve left because they sought knowledge. Of course if we are going to go down that road, we could start with Satan. It is said that greatest trick Satan ever pulled was convincing us he did not exist, but perhaps his greatest trick was convincing us he was God. Maybe God (who we currently see as Satan) wants us to be individuals, where as Satan (who we currently see as God) wants us to be sheep following him. It makes more sense to me that way. So much for my salvation.

I think the role of Adam and Eve in the garden is misunderstood.  They were given the choice to partake of the fruit(symbolic) of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  They were also told of the consequences. I think God knew exactly what would happen.  God would not be the God of Love that I know had he imposed on us the type of learning that can only come through experience & opposition which means pain. Yet He also knew that the only way we could continue to progress in our knowledge and gain more intelligence was through that same type of learning.  Think of the difference in knowledge and understanding that comes by experience rather than just book learning. It is a whole nother realm.  God could only provide the opportunity for us to make that choice ourself.  I think Eve was specifically chosen to take on the role she did, because God, in his infinite wisdom, knew, with her courage and valiancy that she would make that choice. The choice between the innocent neverending pleasures of a type of paradise but no real opportunity for growth or progress or the opportunity to continue progressing in knowledge and intellegence by experience which could only happen with opposition and opening the door to death and pain.  She opened the door to Satan, to death, & pain, but most importantly she opened the door for us to be able to continue our progress and learning by our own experience to know for ourselves the difference between what is good and what is bad.

Okay, so if God already knew the answers why did he ask the questions?

For our sake!  One of the most effective teaching methods there is - is that of asking questions. So that we will reason it out in our minds and come up with our own answers. So that we can understand for ourselves just what we do know and what we don’t know. So that we will in turn ask questions once we realise what we don’t know and it motivates us to seek learning.

On God and Satan:

The God I believe in, is one that sees us as individuals.  He also loves us enough, that having given us the opportunity to learn in this world by our own experience with the obsticles that opposition places in our paths, he also gives us the continuing guidance we need so that our progress won’t be stopped (or damned) by those same obsticles. Following those guidelines brings us more freedom, more choice, and continued knowledge.

On the other hand Satan wants us all to be in his power. He entices us in those things that will stop our progress and bring us in bondage by making it seem pleasurable. We don’t always recognise those things that will bring us into bondage or damn our progress. For instance, think of an alcoholic. When he took that first drink it was to get some momentary pleasure. He never realised that down the road he would be in bondage to that alcohol and it would toss him around to and fro like a puppet on a string making him do things he never in his right mind would think of doing. That is not freedom.

Those are the kind of things God warns us against and also the type of bondage that only he in his infinite wisdom is capable of leading us out of.

As I taught the adult gospel doctrine class today, we studied Matthew Chapter 3.  John the Baptist was sent into the world to prepare the way for Christ. The main message that John focused on to prepare the way for Christ was the message of repentance. A question that I asked was “What does it mean to Repent?”

This was a class of adults that have many years of experience in the gospel and I told them I did not want the typical sunday school answer, but rather by their own experience what it means to them.

This is my own response to that question:

As a child I learned that the steps of repentance were; recognising our sin or mistake, feeling sorrow, confessing and or saying we are sorry, never repeating the sin or mistake, making amends or restoring what was possible to restore, obeying the commandments and serving the Lord.

My misunderstanding of what that all really meant caused me for many years to miss out on one of the most powerful aspects of the gospel.

I was so fearful of people, that the fear of confessing with the resulting consequences of punishment, fear of embarrasment, and fear of feeling inadequate was too overwhelming. I determined that I would never be put in the position of having to repent because I would never do anything wrong. 

I went out of my way not to hurt or offend other people so that I would not have to say I was sorry. I learned to forgive quickly because I had compassion for others being put in the position of having to say they were sorry. I made every effort to not retaliate because then I would have to say I was sorry too.

As inevitably comes in life, mistakes are made and hurt happens. I would quickly change what I was capable of changing.  But for those things that I was not capable of changing on my own, I would justify, deny my own weekness even to myself, blame the circumstances or other peoples weekness.

The Bible dictionary defines Repentance as: a turning of the heart and will to God.  Even though at the time I believed I was doing that, in essence I was really running the other way in denial.

In contrast, this is the way I live my life now.

As a signal to me of the need for repentance or change in my life, I pay close attention to these circumstances.

Emotional pain, conflict within myself between what I do and what my values or intellect tell me I should be doing, conflict with others, fear, particular annoyance with someone elses weekness, frustration, anger.

Then I turn to the Lord and ask for help. What do I need to learn? Where are these feeling coming from? What do I need to change? How do I change? Give me understanding? etc.

I have felt my Savior symbolically wipe away my tears, put His arms around me and lead me through the process of understanding and change.  He gives me experiences that help me understand what my actions feel like from the other persons point of view. That can lead to a quick change of heart and never wanting to repeat those actions. He gives me opportunity to develop needed skills. He places people in my life that can give me help or that say the right thing at the right time to help me know what I can do. He leads me in how I can make amends and say I am sorry and provides the opportunity when the timing is right.

After a time I realize that my life really has changed. Things that used to perplex me now come easily. Things that used to bother me now I look at with compassion and understanding. I feel more peace and joy in my everyday life.  When the situations described above enter my life, I no longer face them with fear. I look at them as opportunities for growth. Where they used to be daily occurances or even several times a day now they come a lot less often. I spend more time in the peace and joy of life rather than in the conflict.  For those things that I have not yet been able to overcome, I know it is just a process of time and trust in the Lord. As long as I keep that constant contact with my Savior then in time I will be redeemed even from those demons.

Intelligence is different than knowledge.  Knowledge can be based on perception or it can be relative. It can also be in error. Intellegence is based on absolute truth. It can be synonomous with wisdom, but to think of it only as wisdom limits it.

An example of absolute truth as compared to knowledge: Back in the days of Columbus, the common knowledge was that the earth was flat. We now know that is not true. All the people in the world could argue and even come up with supporting evidence that the earth is flat. It still would not make it true. Absolute truth is things as they really are, not what they may seem to be or what the latest theorys of the best scientific knowledge of our day may presume they are.

Scripture says: “The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.”

It also says: “Intelligence, or the light of truth, was not created or made, neither indeed can be.”

Another scripture speaking about Christ says: “…he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth;

Which truth shineth. This is the light of Christ. As also he is in the sun, and the light of the sun, and the power thereof by which it was made.

As also he is in the moon, and is the light of the moon, and the power thereof by which it was made;

As also the light of the stars, and the power thereof by which they were made;

And the earth also, and the power thereof, even the earth upon which you stand.

And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings;

Which light procedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space–

The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are goverened, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things.”

Wisdom can be described as Knowledge+Experience. I think intelligence can start to be described as Absolute Truth + Power(action, experience)

The scripture above says Light + Truth. My view of light as described in the scripture above is “The Power” that moves the universe from the smallest particle to the greatest Star. A little of light is referenced in the other scriptures quoted above. It is easy to think of light as only the visible light that we see with our limited eyesight. But when we really think about it we know it as so much more. Light has energy to it. Think of electricity, fire, lasers. There is the whole spectrum of light not visible to our eyes. Think of x-rays, radiation, infared, etc. Another thing we might not think of but on some level we know is the power of thought. When we come to an understanding, we say we are enLIGHTened. We send our thoughts or intentions out into the universe and it puts into motion those things to fulfill the thoughts whether they be good or bad. I say prayer works in the same way just more specifically directed. (I believe God is an actual specific, physical, tangible, being)  I also think that radio waves and sattelite signals all work on the same basic principle.

If we add time to light then we get light speed. But I think for a lot of the power of light, time is irrevelant. When you get on the level of thought or prayer, distance dissapears and it can be instantaneous.

Intelligence is spoken of in the scriptures in two ways; what we normally think of, continuing enlightenment and also as an intelligence or an actual entity.

Intelligence was not created, it has always been. I believe we started off as an intelligence entity. One or our purposes and joys is to gather to us more intelligence or continued power and glory. We could not continue in our progress of gathering more intelligence without being combined with element. (our physical bodies) Therefore (God) our Father(guide, mentor, provider, protector) created for us physical bodies. By the power of his thought, vision, we were first created spiritually which then started the process by which we have been created physically. Our intelligence takes on the spirit combined with element.

We then have the opportunity with experiences talor made for us to increase our intelligence and therefore gain more power and glory to ourselves. 

My theory is that power in the universe is all related to intelligence. We started as intelligence in the universe. Then under God’s influence and Power Spirit and Element were brought together to create our bodies. As we continue in our lives we gather to ourselves more intelligence. God’s power and glory comes because of the amount of intelligence he has gathered to himself.  He teaches us how we can also gather intelligence to ourselves so that we too can gain more power and Glory.

One concluding scripture:”For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy.”  

I truly don’t know how other people live without the benefit of the power of the Spirit and the healing power of the atonement in their lives. For me having that benefit is like the difference between night and day. It is also probably the only reason I am still married and why I am enjoying my marriage more than I ever have before or even thought was possible.

Just a couple of examples of the way it makes a difference in my life. Thanksgiving morning was a really rough morning for my husband. Holidays always seem to be tougher than normal. He was full of negative energy and I found myself being sucked into it. I couldn’t afford that energy drain. I had too much I wanted to do. In the past I have made more of the preparations for the thanksgiving meal ahead of time to compensate for that possible energy drain. Because of other circumstances I wasn’t able to do that this year. I left him to wallow in his own negative energy by leaving the room quickly. I prayed for help to get rid of the drain I already felt and I prayed for him.
He told me about what happened to him after that. He was laying there feeling the void in his heart grow bigger and bigger and wanting to escape. He thought of all his favored addictions and making a choice of which one to use. And then he remembered: the thought came to his mind that the only thing that really fills that void is the Spirit of the Lord. As that thought came into his mind he also felt that rushing in of the Spirit and filling that void in a very powerful way. It completely changed his day. And I got my husband back, the one I love and admire and enjoy being around.

I call upon that same spirit all the time. When I wake up and the pain is so bad that I don’t know how I will make it through the day. When I am faced with a list of overwhelming tasks and I really don’t want to give up any of them because they are all too important to me. When I am facing things that fill me full of fear like teaching gospel doctrine to a whole room of adults and also when I am facing any other fears that come up in my life from time to time. Those are the times that a little later in the day or even at the end of the day I find myself looking back with awe at how everything fell into place or how the pain just disappeared and had no effect on my day. I also call upon that same spirit to guide me everyday in setting my priorities and in knowing where my few abilities can be most useful in helping others.

I went for many years without a conscious awareness of that spirit working in my life and not really knowing how to use it to bless my life on a daily basis. It did help me overcome a debilitating depression where I was suicidal but I never understood how to make it a part of my daily life until my husband got into recovery for his addiction. We both joined 12 step groups. He joined to overcome his addiction. I joined to try to understand what they were and to support him. I soon discovered the benefit for myself. They were clear full of the gospel principles I already knew and loved but I learned how to take action and apply them to my life in a whole new way. Wow! What a difference it has made in my life!

I just read this quote in my email that goes perfectly with this post:

 ”The Savior’s atonement in the garden and on the cross is intimate as well as infinite. Infinite in that it spans the eternities. Intimate in that the Savior felt each person’s pains, sufferings, and sicknesses. Consequently, he knows how to carry our sorrows and relieve our burdens that we might be healed from within, made whole persons, and receive everlasting joy in his kingdom.” Merrill J. Bateman, Ensign, May 1995, 13

I don’t fear death.  To me death is a lot like birth. It is just a moving forward  to another level of existence. I do believe that the choices I make in this life will determine what that next existence will be like. That could be a fearful thing, but for me it isn’t because I am at peace in my heart that I have lived, and am curently living, the best life that I can right now given my knowledge, circumstances, and abilities. I know that because of the atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, and through His mercy, and my willingness to continue to turn to him for help and guidance, that will be good enough to obtain the most glorious existence there is to gain in the next life.

I also don’t fear living.  I don’t fear pain, persecution, controversy, knowing myself, letting others know me.  I have lived with mild chronic pain for years. I have had moments of intense pain. I don’t enjoy the pain. There are sources of comfort to help eleviate some of the pain.  I am grateful for the days that the pain is more mild or even non-existent. I am grateful that the days of mild to non-existent pain are a lot more frequent than the the days of more intense pain in the last while.

As for persecution, what is the worst that someone can do to me? Cause me pain, kill me, kill my family. My lack of fear in those areas is covered above. No one can take away from me what I value the most above all else. Only I can choose to let it go, and I can’t imagine anything at this time that would cause me to make that choice.

Controversy, what is to fear - that someone might influence me, that I might learn more about myself, giving me an opportunity for growth.

I do have fears. I fear that because my bumbling inadequacies as a human I might cause unnescessary pain to another human where they are vulnerable.  I fear that because of my inablility to reach out to everyone that I care about and show them how much I love and care about them, that they will not know how much I really do care and love them and they will suffer because of it. I fear that because sometimes my face and body shows more of the pain than of the peace and joy I feel in my heart, that others to whom I could be a source of hope and comfort will not know I am willing to share with them. And then I fear that even if they did see through the surface, that my inability to put into words and communicate in the way that I would like to, might also hinder the process.

I am grateful for the moments when heart speaks to heart and spirit to spirit and the communication and love flow through inspite of all the human inadequacies.

And yet even though I fear these things and strive everyday to overcome my human weeknesses, I also know that each one that I might hinder in someway also can turn to (if they choose) the same source I receive peace and joy. That is the gift of the atoning power given by our Savior, Jesus Christ. The Gift that is available to anyone in this world who is willing to open their hearts to Him, ask for guidance from Him, and be willing to follow that guidance to the best of their ability.